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22 March 2010 @ 06:59 pm
Dave Lister walks into a bar...  
So, possibly somewhat foolishly, I signed up to A Ficathon Walks into a Bar, and got the seriously bizarre combo of Dave Lister and Trent Kort. So here is that fic, for my sins.

Title: A Scouser in DC
Author:idontlikegravy
Your prompt: Lister walks into a bar and meets... Trent Kort!
Fandoms: Red Dwarf, NCIS
Characters/pairings: Dave Lister, Trent Kort
Rating/warnings: G.
Word count: 547
Disclaimer: Anything you recognise is not mine and is used without permission.

Dave walked into a bar and blinked. He then rubbed his eyes and blinked again before turning back to examine the way he had entered. Behind him was a solid wall and in front of him was a good old-fashioned Earth public house. Except it should have been a storage bay off White Corridor 459.

Maybe it’s another stasis leak, Lister mused Or a science experiment gone wrong has opened up a mini wormhole.

He didn’t really have a clue; he usually left the sciencey stuff to Kryten. But whatever the explanation was, he was back on Earth, and best of all he was in a pub. Dave Lister was never one to question good luck. Well, unless there was a possibility that it was some kind of brain-slurping GELF messing with his mind for its own ends.

In this instance he was willing to just accept and enjoy, even if it meant he’d end up a brainless heap on the floor. Actually, if things went well he’d still end up a brainless heap on the floor; but for completely different reasons.

He approached the bar where a lone man was seated on a stool drinking neat whisky. Lister took a stool three away from the man, not wising to intrude.

“What’ll you have?” the bartender asked and Lister was mildly surprised to discover he was American.

“I’ll have a pint of lager,” he replied.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” said the man on the stool. His accent was English and refined, his tone was as smooth as his silk shirt. “I’m afraid our American cousins still haven’t got the hang of beer. He’ll have a whisky, and I’ll take another,” he addressed the last to the bartender and pushed his glass and a note toward him.

“Thanks,” Lister replied, very grateful as he’d just realised he had no money on him. Even if he had, he didn’t think the DollarPound was legal tender wherever and whenever he was. “Where am I?”

The man laughed.

“Just jumped ship?”

“You could say that, yeah.”

The bartender placed a drink before each of them and discreetly retreated. Lister picked up his glass and raised it to his benefactor and then both men drank from their glasses. Lister coughed slightly; it had been a while since he’d had access to any spirit other than advocaat. He eyed the amber liquid in the tumbler appreciatively.

“So, if you don’t mind my asking, what brings you to Washington?” the man asked.

“Is that where I am? I really had no idea. What’s the date?” Lister asked.

“April fourth.”

“Yeah, but um…what year is it?”

The man laughed again.

“Are you sure you haven’t already been drinking? It’s 2009, of course.”

Lister laughed to cover up his shock. 2009? He hadn’t even been born yet. How the smeg was he going to get back to Red Dwarf? He leaned across to his companion and stretched out his hand.

“I’m Dave Lister, pleased to meet you.”

“Trent Kort,” he replied. Kort paused and regarded Lister for a moment before continuing. “You really are lost, aren’t you? Stranded on a foreign shore, no friends, no family. And I’m guessing no money. Mr. Lister, I think I might have a job for you.”
 
 
 
tygermama: RD - Acetygermama on March 22nd, 2010 11:28 pm (UTC)
heeeeeeeeeeee!

Yes, I'm sure Kort is being completely altruistic in offering a man with no record at all, anywhere on Earth, a job. >:)

You did great!

I'm still kicking myself I didn't sign up for this! Next time.
But, I don't want to be a pie,: messidontlikegravy on March 25th, 2010 02:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I must confess that I had no clue what to do with this, so I'm extra happy it works :)

Best. Icon. Evah. ROFLMAO
Rhi: DKJvipersweb on March 23rd, 2010 01:11 am (UTC)
Very amusing. I like what you've done with this... I really need to start work on my entry...
But, I don't want to be a pie,: dwarfersidontlikegravy on March 25th, 2010 02:57 pm (UTC)
Thank you, the looming deadline kinda spurred me into action!

Good luck with yours I look forward to reading it :)
The other Weird Alaeron_lanart on March 23rd, 2010 10:14 am (UTC)
Hee! I love this; it's very Lister. Have to say I don't know Trent so I can't comment on him.
But, I don't want to be a pie,: dwarfersidontlikegravy on March 25th, 2010 03:00 pm (UTC)
Thanks hon, glad to hear that. I can tell you, the air went fairly blue when I first read the assignment! Kort is a minor character who first appears in the season 4 (or is it 5?) storyline of Jeanne and La Grenouille and he's recently popped up again in season 7. He's CIA and not particularly nice (big surprise!) but beyond that we don't know a lot about him. So yeah, wasn't too thrilled to get him. But sometimes adversity is good for the creativity, right?!
The other Weird Alaeron_lanart on March 25th, 2010 03:21 pm (UTC)
Sounds about right. I kind of lucked out with mine (Ace and Methos) but wasn't sure *which* Ace to use - in the end I used my Torchwood 4 verse.
But, I don't want to be a pie,: writingidontlikegravy on March 25th, 2010 03:25 pm (UTC)
I was tempted to use Immortal!Lister but I couldn't really see him in any scenario that would involve Trent or the CIA. Probably would have made things easier for me though if I had!

*toddles off to read yours*
chocolate_frapp: Bertie ?!chocolate_frapp on March 30th, 2010 04:05 pm (UTC)
cool! Lister doesn't know what he's letting himself in for, as usual. :)
But, I don't want to be a pie,: evolidontlikegravy on April 1st, 2010 01:08 pm (UTC)
Thank you! No, poor boy hasn't a clue :)
major_strifemajor_strife on April 25th, 2010 10:46 pm (UTC)
I loved this, lister's voice was dead on.

Just now got around to reviewing - sorry, facebook games stole my brain.