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19 December 2010 @ 05:37 pm
Highlander/Father Ted 1/1  
Yes, you read that right. I have no idea where this one came from either, except perhaps a determination to post something for every day of consci_fan_mo and being desperately short of bunnies for day 19.

Not mine, as is evidenced by the bizarre things I do with them.

Postcard from Craggy Island

Father Ted Crilly was pacing the floor of his living room in the parochial house on Craggy Island. They were expecting a visit from Brother Darius, an old friend of Father Jack from France and Ted was nervous.

From what he understood, Brother Darius was a pious man, and Father Ted… well Ted wasn’t exactly a model priest. His own confession each week could last several hours, and not only because he was constantly interrupted by Jack’s snores and outbursts. As if to demonstrate the point, Jack woke from his position in his chair with a start.

“Feck! Arse!,” Jack shouted before once more falling asleep. Ted shook his head. He had a feeling that Jack was not the same man Brother Darius had befriended.

He was roused from his thoughts by a knock at the front door. Ted made a quick double check to see that the alcohol was all hidden from view and then headed to the door.

“I’ll get it!” called Dougal as he bounded down the stairs like a love-starved puppy. Ted put his head in his hands; Dougal was not the first impression he wanted them to make on Brother Darius.

After a moment, Ted followed Dougal into the front hall. Dougal had opened the door and a man that Ted took to be Darius was stood outside. He gave Dougal a strange look, but that was nothing unusual, and then he introduced himself.

“Good afternoon, Fathers, I’m Brother Darius,” he said. Ted was surprised that Darius’ accent didn’t sound French and he was younger than he’d imagined. He smiled and held out his hand, which Darius shook.

“I’m Father Ted Crilly, please call me Ted. This is Father Dougal Maguire. Won’t you please come in?”


Father Jack Hackett had been a fresh-faced idealistic young priest straight out of seminary when he’d been posted to Darius’ church. They had worked together to help Paris in the post-occupation period and the two had become firm friends, cemented further when Jack accidentally discovered Darius’ immortality. He had kept the secret for his whole life.

The old devil had more of his faculties left than he liked to pretend, he enjoyed having everyone running around after him and generally causing chaos. So when Dougal survived falling off a cliff with nary a scratch on him, he’d put in a call to Darius.

Darius didn’t take leaving his church lightly, but he owed Jack for keeping his secret all this time. So, he had come to Craggy Island, and as soon as he approached the parochial house he knew that Jack’s suspicions had been correct.

First thing in the morning, he’d need to make arrangements for Father Dougal to be transferred to Paris. He wouldn’t break his vow, but he felt sure that Duncan would be happy to teach the lad, and in the meantime he’d be safe on Holy Ground. As for tonight, they had a lot to discuss.


“So, what are you saying?” Dougal asked with a look of complete bewilderment. Darius had tried explaining Immortality to him five times now; the young priest would try the patience of a saint.

“You died, but then you woke up again,” he explained patiently. “Like Jesus,” he added, hoping the analogy would make things sink in.

Dougal stared at Darius, slack-jawed, processing his words. The poor lad was obviously a half-wit, it would be best if he were secreted away on Holy Ground as soon as possible.

“Wait a minute,” Dougal said and Darius smiled. Finally he must be getting the idea. “Am I Jesus?”
fractured_sun: hl Dariusfractured_sun on December 19th, 2010 06:21 pm (UTC)
LMAO, My brain iz ded from the Crack! Oh well I wasn't using it anyway.
But, I don't want to be a pie,: ecumenicalidontlikegravy on January 2nd, 2011 07:01 pm (UTC)
Well that's a relief, I'd hate to think I'd caused any serious damage *g*

Glad you enjoyed it :)
squeakypiggysqueakypiggy on December 19th, 2010 06:23 pm (UTC)
Loved that last bit hee, don't know a thing about the world Highlander was crossed with but I do know I liked it!
But, I don't want to be a pie,: confused dougalidontlikegravy on January 2nd, 2011 07:06 pm (UTC)
Thank you, glad it worked even though you don't know the other show. It was an Irish sitcom that ran on Channel 4 here in the UK during the late 90's.

It was... surreal is probably the best word, followed by irreverant. There are clips a plenty on Youtube if you're interested, but this is my all-time favourite bit and shows Dougal's idiocy off perfectly: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25N-4zrk390
Ithithildyn on December 19th, 2010 06:25 pm (UTC)
I've never watched the show, but I've seen bits and pieces on PBS when tuning in to watch something else, or in adverts. Very enjoyable!
But, I don't want to be a pie,: richie smileidontlikegravy on January 2nd, 2011 07:08 pm (UTC)
Thank you hon, glad it was still enjoyable, I was feeling very silly when I wrote it, didn't really expect anyone else to read it :)
She went that-a-way...jinxed_wood on December 19th, 2010 07:08 pm (UTC)
Ah, go on...
But, I don't want to be a pie,: ecumenicalidontlikegravy on January 2nd, 2011 07:08 pm (UTC)
Re: Ah, go on...
Are you alright? Would you like a nice cup of tea? *g*

Thank you hon :)
Kay: duncan -- coldsilvercobwebs on December 19th, 2010 08:28 pm (UTC)
But, I don't want to be a pie,: pleased hamsteridontlikegravy on January 2nd, 2011 07:09 pm (UTC)
layla_aaron: Joyous Juhi (me)luscious_words on December 19th, 2010 08:52 pm (UTC)
ROFLMAO...Oh man! This was fabulously hilarious and totally crack!tastic!!!!!
But, I don't want to be a pie,: confused dougalidontlikegravy on January 2nd, 2011 07:09 pm (UTC)
I aim to please *g* Glad you enjoyed it :)
layla_aaron: Snowy tealuscious_words on January 2nd, 2011 07:14 pm (UTC)
it definitely helps to know both shows. :D
The other Weird Al: No brainaeron_lanart on December 19th, 2010 10:23 pm (UTC)

You Evil woman! Thank you for the coffee moment - I'm not sure my keyboard and monitor agree. Oh my. Poor Darius. Hee. I'm having hysterics just imagining Duncan's reaction.

Edited at 2010-12-19 10:25 pm (UTC)
But, I don't want to be a pie,: pleased hamsteridontlikegravy on January 2nd, 2011 07:11 pm (UTC)
I hope the keyboard survived! And I'm very happy I made you snorfle, even if there was damage to electrical equipment :)

You know me, I'll write anything once. That should be my motto or something. ;-)
prochytesprochytes on December 20th, 2010 01:45 pm (UTC)
Oh God. It's a good thing they are both Immortal. This may take some time...
But, I don't want to be a pie,: dariusidontlikegravy on January 2nd, 2011 07:12 pm (UTC)
*nods* Good thing Darius had the patience of a saint *g*