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21 December 2011 @ 04:59 pm
Multifandom crack 1/1  
Time for my annual break with reality, once again inspired by aeron_lanart.

A No-prize to the person who can spot all of the references! Nothing belongs to me though, it's all someone else's.

Ultimate Top Trumps

“The 1967 Chevrolet Impala. Two careful owners, one not so careful owner. Nought to sixty in under ten seconds, ample trunk space for all your ammunition needs and the comfiest back seat known to man. Also, will take several bullet holes and head-on collisions and keep going and has survived the Apocalypse,” Dean Winchester said proudly.

A couple of the people in the room snorted.

“She don’t even fly!” Mal Reynolds pointed out.

“I thought we established that pre-space travel societies will not be penalised for only having primitive motor vehicular transportation?” the Doctor said, knowing the answer to the question perfectly well.

“You really are a smug git sometimes. Just because yours is bigger on the inside and travels in time and space doesn’t automatically make it the best or give you the right to go sticking your nose in defending the underdogs,” Gene Hunt protested. “You nonce,” he added, feeling the previous speech lacked an essential Gene Hunt-ness.

“I wasn’t playing TARDIS. I was playing Bessie,” the Doctor replied with an affronted sniff.

“You named your car? Typical bloke,” said Clara with a shake of her head and a grin. Several of the other men in the room shuffled their feet and looked away with a sheepish grin.

“Yes, well, getting back to the topic in hand, my 1963 Citroen DS has survived two apocalypses and a collapsing Hellmouth,” Giles said. “Which rather trumps your one, I’m afraid.”

“Yeah, but your car is now being driven by Patrick Jayne,” Dean pouted.

“Hey! There’s nothing wrong with the Citroen DS,” put in Duncan MacLeod.

“You’re playing the T-bird, you’re not allowed to support the DS too,” Dean argued.

“Calm down, boys. There’s still plenty to play for here. But I think KITT trumps all of you – he can talk and think for himself. *And* he flies,” Michael Knight added with a pointed look toward Mal Reynolds.

“You call that flying? I call it falling with style,” said Marty McFly. “The DeLorean can fly.”

“You’re in the wrong room. TV only, films are next door,” Gene thumbed in the direction of the door. With an apologetic shrug Marty left. Mal started toward the door. “Where are you going, Reynolds?”

“Well, Serenity was in a movie too. It was named after her,” he protested. The Doctor walked over to him and stage-whispered in his ear.

“Do you really want to go there? Han Solo will be in there,” he said.

Mal glared at him for a moment before returning to the table, muttering in Cantonese.

“If we’re going on survival skills, the Blue Beetle has survived a troll, a fire demon, … me,” Harry Dresden tried valiantly.

“Technically, the Blue Beetle wasn’t in the TV series, only the pilot,” Blair Sandburg said.

“And is being able to survive being owned by you really something to be proud of?” Jim Ellison said and then quickly went quiet when Blair muttered “pot, kettle” under his breath.

“This is getting silly now. Can I draw some order to the proceedings?” declared the Doctor. “Now, I think we’re all agreed that ‘damage survived’ is not a suitable category to judge this by.”

“Nor is top speed or acceleration,” grunted Dean.

“Hey, we were willing to give you some kind of balancing system,” Kirk said. “Just nobody but the Doctor, Data and Spock could follow the maths.

“And KITT,” added Michael.

“Shut up, Michael,” said everybody.

“Reliability?” suggested Dave Lister.

“Ability to be made into a tank with some steel plating and an acetylene torch?” said Hannibal Smith.

“And should we be taking sentience into account?” asked John Crichton.

“Gentlemen, I believe that whatever category you choose, I am most likely the winner,” interjected Optimus Prime.

The other occupants of the room all threw up their hands in defeat.

“Ok, which fong luh hundan invited the Autobots?”


A/N:Top Trumps is a very British game and if you need to understand it, you can find out more here at Wiki
JagfanLJ: Celebrationjagfanlj on December 21st, 2011 08:33 pm (UTC)

*deep breath*
Supernatural, Firefly, Doctor Who, ?Clara?, BtVS, Highlsnder, The Mentalist, Knight Rider, Back to the Future, Star Wars 4-6, Dresden Files, The Sentinel, Star Trek [Reboot OR tos:"A Piece of the Action"], ?Crichton?, Transformers
But, I don't want to be a pie,: garcia & reid fanficidontlikegravy on December 21st, 2011 08:51 pm (UTC)
You missed Gene Hunt and Dave Lister. Not bad though, John Crichton is a more obscure fandom and Clara is only recognisable to Brits of a certain age group so I'm impressed :)

Glad you enjoyed!
Kay: gq -- geekiness is lovesilvercobwebs on December 21st, 2011 09:05 pm (UTC)
Adding to the above - Farscape, Red Dwarf, Life on Mars/Ashes to Ashes.

What? No Planet Express ship?! ;P

Oh yes, and - ♥ this!
The other Weird Al: Bessie!aeron_lanart on December 21st, 2011 10:25 pm (UTC)
Hee! You've done it again and I love it!!!

Now would that be Long Distance Clara of Pigeon Street by any chance?

crashtestskater: haida spiritcrashtestskater on December 22nd, 2011 04:24 am (UTC)
Clap. Clap. Clap. Brilliant. Amazing. Wonderful. Loved it. I believe people forgot Buffy, I did hear Giles mentioned in there.

You are amazing. Truly amazing. I bow to you oh great nymph of the fic gods.

I laughed out loud when everyone told Micheal to shut up. I love KITT, but could do without Micheal.
hab318princess on December 23rd, 2011 03:41 pm (UTC)