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18 July 2007 @ 03:26 pm
Red Dwarf/Doctor Who Crossover Part 3  
Howdy Doodly Do folks! It's been a while I know, but here is part 3 of Light Years. All comments and concrit welcome as usual.

Disclaimer: I have absolutely no claim over either the Doctor or Red Dwarf, they belong to Aunty Beeb and Grant Naylor and whoever else actually owns them. I just continue to fiddle with them, but I’ll give them back good as new when I’m done. This is done purely for love and fun.
Light Years III
“There we go, good as new!” The Doctor exclaimed triumphantly, bouncing on his heels.
“Seriously?” Lister asked. “Wait a minute, how new?”
Holly’s face appeared on the monitor. Holly’s original, male face.
“Wotcha.” Holly said amicably, “What’s going on then?”
“Aw smeg. Hol,” Lister said gently, “What’s the last thing you remember?”
“Er…Everybody’s dead Dave.” Holly said looking quizzically at Lister.
“That’s it? That was over five years ago Hol.” Lister broke the news as gently as he could, adding softly, “Smeg.” Holly looked puzzled and vanished from the screen. The Doctor looked crestfallen.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what went wrong.”
“Nothing went wrong, you made him good as knew.” Lister replied with a note of sadness. “Hol had computer senility, performed a head sex change on himself two years ago.”
“So when I fixed her…I mean him, I must have rebooted his memory to before the senility kicked in and reset the imaging too. Whoops!” The Doctor said with an uncertain grin. Holly reappeared.
“My internal chronometer agrees with your assessment Dave, and we are twenty light years closer to Earth than my memory states. That would compute if we travelled at faster than light as I had planned, though only for 15.89 minutes.”
“That sounds about right. I’ll explain later, but right now we’ve got a bit of an emergency Hol. Are your sensors online again?”
“Hang on, let me check.” And with that he vanished again.
“Do you want me to put him…her back again?” The Doctor asked. “Shouldn’t take a jiffy now I know what went wrong.”
“Thanks. Lets see how much better Holly is first.” Lister said with a smile. He was remembering the regulation necrobics that ‘Queeg’ had forced on Rimmer and hoped the new improved Holly might do the same. That was if Holly hadn’t invented the regs for his own amusement. Then Lister remembered the pea on toast. “On second thoughts, put her back the way she was please. After we’ve sorted this smegging mess though; as she was Holly was about as much use as paper condom.”
“We should get back to the drive room, find out what we hit. Come on!” The Doctor said with a grin before pelting back to the lift. Lister followed, but at a much more sedate pace. He briefly contemplated letting Rimmer and the Cat know that the scanners were working and they could stop searching the ship. But he decided there was no rush.
Rimmer marched into the Drive Room and looked expectantly at Lister.
“Well? What did we hit? Was it more aliens?”
“It was an Estrophan.” Holly replied. “A Space Rider.”
“Really?” the Doctor said, bouncing on his heels, “I’ve always wanted to see one of those.”
“Er, what’s an Estrophan?” Rimmer asked, “An alien?”
“Rimmer, shut the smeg up about aliens. Just because you were right once. They’re GELFs, from Earth.” Lister snapped. Rimmer looked slightly crestfallen.
“They are marvellous creatures. Genetically-engineered by humans to devour all the waste you produce.” The Doctor informed them, “They’re like space-cows; they float through the void eating up all your garbage.”
“They live on garbage?” asked Cat, “Man and I thought you were disgusting” he said to Lister.
“Lister should go talk to it. They’d get on like a house on fire. In fact it’s probably a long lost relative.” Rimmer sniped. Lister rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to Holly.
“Hol, how is the Space Rider? Did we hurt it all?” he asked.
“I’m afraid so Dave. My scanners show that Red Dwarf has left a deep gash along one side of the Estrophan and the scoop is hooked on its dorsal fin. If we try to move we’ll probably tear it off.” Holly replied.
“Sirs, if I may interject at this point, I believe that this is entirely our fault. The Estrophan has clearly been following Red Dwarf, living off the waste it has left in its wake. Now we’ve turned around, we collided straight into it. Might I suggest we take Starbug to survey the damage and to see what we can do to help?” Kryten said.
“A capital suggestion Kryten! Let’s go people.” Rimmer said and headed for the door. Only the Doctor followed, so Rimmer stopped, causing the Doctor to walk through him. Rimmer ignored it and looked at the others expectantly. “Well? Come on!”
“Come on guys.” Lister sighed, before heading to the door, followed in short order by Cat and Kryten.
“Just once. That’s all I’m asking, a bit of respect. Would it kill you?” Rimmer whined as they headed for the hangar bay.
Lister piloted the ‘bug out of the hangar, and as they pulled away from Red Dwarf and headed up to the scoop, the massive bulk of the Estrophan came into view. Lister and the Doctor gazed in awe at the spectacular creature. It resembled a whale in form, but a whale that was the length of two aircraft carriers.
“How does it breathe in space?” Lister asked, more to himself than anyone else.
“That’s pretty amazing actually; it creates its own atmospheric bubble from the gases produced as it digests its food.” The Doctor said, positively beaming.
“Really?” Rimmer said, one eyebrow arched, “Lister does the same thing.”
They could see clearly from this distance that the creature was badly injured and that it was caught firmly in the cage that surrounded the scoop. As Lister piloted Starbug closer, the Estrophan began to try and wriggle free, but it only succeeded in becoming further entangled.
“Back off Dave,” the Doctor instructed, “it’s afraid of us. We need to let it know we’re here to help or it will only hurt itself further.”
“Right!” Rimmer exclaimed, grateful for a chance to take charge, “Kryten, broadcast on all frequencies and in all known languages, including Welsh!”
“That won’t work. Sound doesn’t travel in space.” The Doctor said.
“Of course, I knew that,” Rimmer said, “so what do you suggest we do?”
“Any spacesuits on board?” the Doctor said with a grin. Kryten pointed to the cabinet in the aft section. “Excellent. Let’s go for a stroll then, shall we?” the Doctor finished, clapping his hands together.
she who is the teller of taleslyl_devil on July 22nd, 2007 09:02 pm (UTC)
There need to be more Red Dwarf crossovers!

I loved it. Can't wait for more!! :)
But, I don't want to be a pie,: Red Dwarfidontlikegravy on July 23rd, 2007 06:56 pm (UTC)
Thank you. More will be arriving shortly.:)
magicamethyst80magicamethyst80 on September 11th, 2007 10:01 pm (UTC)
Like the way you are still managing pull off a serious dramatic storyline within Red Dwarf.

Also loving the interaction betwen the crew and The Doctor.

But, I don't want to be a pie,: Red Dwarfidontlikegravy on September 12th, 2007 05:58 pm (UTC)
Thank you, glad you're enjoying. :)
michael1812michael1812 on December 5th, 2007 04:07 pm (UTC)
"...including Welsh!" LOL

The humour is spot on hilarious.

Off to read part IV
But, I don't want to be a pie,: pleased hamsteridontlikegravy on December 5th, 2007 06:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you *bounces*

Hope you enjoy the rest too :)