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28 December 2007 @ 10:46 pm
Conversations meme crackfic  
Remember the conversation meme? (Look down a few entries) Well, I got so much response that it has rather outgrown the comments to the original post, so here are all the fics I've written so far for your delictation, in the order I wrote them. More are in progress, but RL keeps getting in the way. Sorry if I haven't gotten to your prompt yet, but I promise I will.

Q & Death – for silvercobwebs 

“Oh, do you have to?” Q said with a pout.


“Well, yes…technically. But I was having so much fun with him. He’s so dour, and fusty. He’s most amusing.”


“No, I suppose not. But couldn’t we come to some arrangement? Please?” Q batted his eyelashes at Death, who simply inclined his head inquisitively.


“Well, fine. Take him then.” Q said petulantly.


“And if I win?”


“Wonderful! I know just the game….”

Teela & 5 - for herk227 

“You expect me to do what?”

“It’s very simple, you hold this end of the blaster, point the other end at the bad guy and shoot.” Teela explained as if to a four year old.

“No. I refuse.” The Doctor replied. Teela sighed.

“Just what I need, another wet blonde. You’re as bad as Adam! If we’re going to get out of this mess, then you need to use this.”

“No, I don’t do guns.”

“Well what do you do?” Teela asked sceptically.

“Well, I’m rather good at running,” the Doctor said with a grin, before setting off at a pace faster than Teela had ever seen a biped move. Looking behind, she saw why: Skeletor and all his cronies were approaching, fast.

Deciding discretion was the better part of valour, Teela turned and chased after the Doctor.

9 & Methos - for calliopes_pen 

“Cleopatra,” the Doctor prompted.

“She was a woman, she loved, she lived, she died,” Methos replied.

“Do you ever give a straight answer? Because that was not an answer.”

“No, it wasn’t. Have you met her?”

“Yup. Kissed her too.”

“So what? So did I. And Marc Antony,” Methos replied, triumphant.

“Marc Antony? Huh. I thought he was kinda ugly, bad breath too.”

“Everyone had bad breath in those days, it’s a miracle I managed to reach Immortality with a full mouth of teeth!”

“See, that’s one of the things I love about this planet. You’ve got far more important things to invent than dental hygiene. Brilliant,” the Doctor said with a grin.

Bob & The Brain - for amand_r 

“You can stare at me all you like. Your pathetic attempts shall not prevent me from world domination!” Brain said. Bob continued to stare down at the diminutive tyrant-wannabe, spliff hanging from his gaping mouth. “I assure you, sir, that no matter what you are going to say, it shall not dissuade me from taking over the world. My highly developed brain has calculated that my ingenious plan has a 99% probability of success. Nothing can stand in my way,” Bob continued to stare. “I shall inject my drug into all the Mooby burgers, turning all mankind into my mindless slaves. They shall do my bidding, and make me their emperor!”

“Where does all this rage come from little guy?” Bob asked, “And why are you so bent on taking over the world?”

Brain stopped, mouth wide and finger raised, mid gesticulation.

“I don’t know. I…I guess it’s all I know. I’ve been doing it so long, I’ve forgotten my reasons for starting. Thank you my friend.” Tiny paws grabbed one of Bob’s fingers and shook it surprisingly vigourously. The little mouse jumped down from the counter and headed for the door. “Come along Pinky, we’re leaving.”

“But I was getting a Mega-Mooby Meal! Narf!” Pinky answered, before looking to Bob, who shrugged. Pinky shrugged back and followed Brain out of the door.

Cat & Jack - for aeron_lanart 

"I've never been with a cat before. It's a first, even for me."

"I've never been with any on...I mean any man before." Cat said, almost blushing.

"Really? I just assumed...I mean, you're so good looking."

"Well that's obvious, so you've got eyes and taste. Congratulations!"

Jack laughed.

"Are you always this full of yourself?" he asked.

"Why shouldn't I? Look, are you gonna quit talking? I'm so excited, all six of my nipples are tingling!"

"Six nipples eh? We'll have to see what we can do with those," Jack replied with a wicked grin.

Julian & Mac - for zonya35 

“So, we’ve been friends for ten years, but as far as you’re concerned, we met 700 years ago?” Julian said slowly, even his intellect was having a difficult time grasping this concept.

“Yes. But to you it was yesterday. Time travel gives me a headache, always has,” Duncan replied, rubbing his temple to illustrate the point.

“I thought Immortals couldn’t get headaches?” Julian asked, medical curiosity getting the better of him.

“We can get them, we just can’t die from them.”

“Oh. Well, you’d better come here and let me kiss it better then.”

Richie & Pyro - for dragonsinger 

“Man that hurt! Jeez, will you look at that? I’m gonna be smelling like barbecue pork for a week. Aw man, that was my favourite shirt too!” Richie wailed, pulling at the burnt tatters of his clothes.

“Don’t you ever shut up? Why won’t you die?” Pyro shouted at him.

“You slice him, dice him, burn him to a crisp, but he keeps on coming,” Richie replied with a cruel smile, and raised his adamantium sword.

“Still wanna dance pretty boy?”

“I can go all night kid.”

“I’m not a kid! I won’t take that from Xavier and I’m sure as hell not gonna take it from some punk kid who’s only a year or so older than me!”

“Asshole,” Richie replied and then charged.

Kaylee & Chief O’Brien - for truthmaker 

“You look after a whole space station and three ships?” Kaylee said with awe. Miles nodded. “I can barely keep this here hunk a metal in shape.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m working alone, I have a whole engineering team to help me. Plus, Federation technology is so automated I don’t really do much beyond point a tricorder at things and replace a few bits now and then. Now this on the other hand,” Miles said, indicating the machinery around them, “this is proper greasy, nuts and bolts, mechanics. She’s a thing of beauty and no mistake.”

“You’re just saying that,” Kaylee said with a blush.

“No, I’m not. You should be proud. I love crawling around, getting up to my elbows in oil, seeing how it all works. Makes you feel alive, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Heh, if my wife Keiko saw me this covered in grime, she’d go mad,” Miles said with a chuckle.

“Your wife? Oh.”

Rimmer and the Voyager Doc - for truthmaker 

“At least you can touch things. I can’t.”

“Maybe not, but I’ve never left this ship. Step outside, and *poof*. No more me.”

“Yes, but you’re a doctor. You save lives, the crew respect you. I couldn’t even pass the astro-navigation exam.”

“Respect? Pah! They treat me as a part of the ship, a walking dispensary. I’m a doctor, not a replicator.”

“What about me? I can’t even get the skutters to obey my orders. They all respect Kryten, a maintenance droid for smeg’s sake! My crew would rather follow a clapped out, neurotic lavatory mechanoid whose sole function in life is to make sure Lister has clean underwear than listen to the senior ranking technician.”

“At least you were human once.”

“And I died.”

“You have no idea how much I envy you that,” Doc said with a sigh. Rimmer examined him with a raised eyebrow.

“You win.” 
The other Weird Al: Wolves!aeron_lanart on December 29th, 2007 12:05 am (UTC)
Thanks for putting them all in one easy to read post!
But, I don't want to be a pie,: thargidontlikegravy on December 29th, 2007 10:15 pm (UTC)
It had to be done for my sanity as much as anyone elses!

Hope you enjoyed :)
I will call her George: Richie Smilestrangevisitor7 on December 29th, 2007 12:30 pm (UTC)
So much silly in one post - Still giggling *hee*
But, I don't want to be a pie,: jayidontlikegravy on December 29th, 2007 10:10 pm (UTC)

Glad you enjoyed. Hopefully more to come in Part 2 of the post. I'm intending for 2008 to be my year of crack. *eg*
TheSummoningDark: epic flaily joythe_summoning_d on January 5th, 2009 04:24 pm (UTC)
Oh...my...god. You wrote Jack/Cat o.0 Marry me!
But, I don't want to be a pie,: stig docidontlikegravy on January 5th, 2009 07:44 pm (UTC)

We'd have to make do with a civil partnership, but okay *grin*
TheSummoningDark: epic flaily joythe_summoning_d on January 5th, 2009 07:54 pm (UTC)
Sweeeet ^^
bugeyedmonsterbugeyedmonster on February 7th, 2009 10:52 am (UTC)
Liked these. Loved Q wanting more Picard. Trying not to imagine Jack and Cat with those 6 nipples. lol! My mind has a tendency to go straight to the gutter and get stuck there.

Julian and Duncan, lol! Where is Julian from?

I'd like to see more of the Richie and Pyro. (I don't read Marvel but I just know Pyro is going to get his ass whupped.)

On the Kaylee and Chief O'Brian, I keep wondering about the Alliance. I wouldn't put it past the Alliance to have lied to their subjects about Earth being gone. The Serenity making contact with a Federation vessel, and re-discovering Earth... that is interesting.

Anyway, enjoyed the read.